Soulful Muse

An author wrote, “I believe that there is flowing through us – those on earth, those in purgatory, and those who have reached true life – a great, unending stream made up of the sufferings, merits, and love of everyone, and that our least sorrow, our slightest efforts, can through [this five letter word] reach others, whether near or far, and bring them light, peace, and holiness.”

If you’re into crossword puzzles, here’s a puzzler for you. It’s five letters, works both “across” or “down,” as life would have it and, if it were possible, could even be spelled in-between; including the black boxes.

It’s a favorite word in the Church, but I don’t think we speak it enough in our daily lives. I sincerely know that we experience it. The Church, in its sometimes efforts to be anal, tries to divide it into two, not to better understand it but as an attempt to control it. Sorry Church leaders, this five-letter word cannot be controlled, managed, rationed, saved or counted. It is adverb, verb, adjective, proper noun, noun.

All three of the Trinity have and continue to experience her. (I switched from “it” to “her” because of the feminine nature.) When it comes to raising children, mothers rely on her even if never using her name. Fathers trust her for her strength. Both parents trust that she can deliver patience to trying situations in raising children. Alternatively, also in their own personal developments.

Like trying to count ants on your sidewalk, most churches get even more anal in trying to define her, not into two but eight different ways. Their eight-tried attempt is called actual, gratuitous, habitual, justifying, sacramental, healing, sufficient, and sanctifying.
However, those words are for those who need to write a school’s term paper, not for living a meaningful, holy life. She is meant for us folks who need her daily, who look for her often. If it’s written “across” the crossword puzzle, then it means “steady as life goes,” complete with our characters’ firmly in tact supported by her resilience. Scripture would call this “staying on the right path.” If she’s spelled in the “down” column then it’s what Scripture writes, “lest you dash your foot against a stone,” or “you stumble and fall” as we all happen to do. We need to be picked up by her and then fill in the “across” column.
Experiencing her is not only personal but communal. She’s contagious. We gather here for our private prayer before Mass begins and leave this place as the Body of Christ. To continue the living of the Body of Christ in what the Church calls the “marketplace.” For us lay folks, that means work, home, family and friends.

You will not find her crossword puzzle solution in tomorrow’s newspaper. You can only find her right in front of you and deeply embedded, and undyingly, breathing within you.

Enough of the tease. Can you guess who she is? Can you estimate what she is? Can you surmise where she is? Can you approximate what she does for each of us every, single day? Can you reckon why she does what she does?

She is entirely adverb, verb, adjective, proper noun, noun.

“Grace gracefully walks into the dining room and graces us with her graciousness before offering God a graceful prayer of Grace in her own, unique gracious way.”

(stage direction: the priest graciously walks away.)

The problem with Martha is that she complained to Jesus. Mary was quite content but Martha had to open her big mouth. With apologies to Jesus, I offer my list of “Ten Peeves” to which I hold out to you for your own complaints. On this hot summer day, my seriously silly sermon.

1.) Putting gum on your dinner plate, and after eating putting the gum back into your mouth. (Is gum that expensive?) Second only to reaching over with your fork without asking to taste my meal. (This isn’t “The Waltons,” it’s only the two of us.)
2) In a restaurant, wearing a baseball cap when you’re over thirty, for the whole meal, while eating. I understand a six-year-old, but you look like one.
3) Leaving church before it’s ended. (Does three more minutes truly wreck your busy schedule and your stress-ridden little life?)

For Martha, cooking was a mindless job, a tedious chore that needed to be done. No passion, no personal investment; hence a complainer she becomes. It’s like the difference between a contract and a covenant. An author writes, “A person entering into a contract doesn’t really change. She just finds some arrangement that will suit her current interest. A commitment..changes who you are, or rather embeds who you are into a new relationship. A contract is a transaction. A covenant is a relationship. …a contract is about interest. A covenant is about identity. This is why contracts benefit, but covenants transform.” Mary was transformed in finding her passion, her identity. Martha, even at her age, was still searching ending up frustrated .

4) Crossing two lanes at the last minute to make a turn. Added to this is my deciding to drive through a yellow light and the driver behind me follows me closely through the light. What if I had decided not to proceed through that yellow light………

Here’s next week’s homework: (Children, please close your ears, this is for adults.) My psychologist who later became my friend told me of the “fours.” It’s “a, b, c and e.” I told him, “You can’t come up with an ‘d’?” He didn’t smile back at me. It’s “a, b, c and e. (I really think Jesus would have like it.) Here it is. Never, ever…”Apologize, Blame, Complain or Explain.” I’m still trying to understand what he meant years later but I believe it’s true. I fail again and again in those fours but there’s a truth to it that is Biblical, human and, most of all, healthy for all involved.

5) You hear one, single perspective or comment on the radio, television, or online, remember it and then repeat it to as many people as possible to show how intelligent and informed you are, as though the burning bush spoke to you. (Very common these days.)

Back to Martha, a rabbi writes, “spirituality is an emotion. Religion is an obligation. Spirituality soothes. Religion mobilizes. Spirituality is satisfied with itself. Religion is dissatisfied with the world. Martha only perceived “religion,” she hasn’t uncovered, unveiled her “spirituality.”

6.) Having dinner with someone who answers the cell phone and now you need to sit there and listen to that conversation (albeit one-sided) complete with that person’s laughter all of which is never shared with you. Followed by that person’s stupid apology. (Please refer to “a” under number four.)
7.) A friend of yours is sharing a personal story and you interrupt that person’s story by inserting a story of your own, almost erasing the person’s first story.

Here’s next week’s homework for us all: When someone begins to tell you a story, please slowly count to ten before interrupting. As the storyteller continues, count again to ten or twenty instead of interupting with your lame, supposedly complimentary story that now puts all the attention of you. Let the person in front of you finish his/her story. That way you will have saved a friendship and proven to yourself that you can quietly count to ten or twenty or thirty…all the while smiling. As we say these days, “That’s a win-win.”

8.) You’re holding a door for someone and that person then holds the door you’re holding as though I was going to let go of it and cause bodily harm to a person I don’t know.
9.) At a stop light, being forced to listen to loud music from the car next to me while I’m trying to listen to Patti Page sing about “Ole’ Cape Cod.”
10.) Having to think of ten things to write, just to make it a complete ten, instead of the nine things that I really wanted to say.

My sincere apologies to Jesus. (Yea right) I’m not a complainer, I’m not that kind of person. (Yea, right). It’s not in my nature. (Yea, right) There is no blame to be made. (Wrong!) I only want to explain why I’m the person that I am not. (Not)

Your tenth may be having to listen to a priest give a seriously silly sermon on a hot summer day.

After talking to an AT&T representative, a recorded voice says, “Please stay on the line for one, simple question.”

“Ummm,” I think to myself. Alright. The voice returns, “If you owned a company, would you hire the person you just spoke to? Press 1 for ‘Yes,’ or 2 for ’No.’”

What an absolutely great way to rate someone. I love that. Jesus loves it too. Instead of asking a question, Jesus gives a mandate, “Follow me.” He doesn’t ask if you want to or not. He smiles at all the excuses we sometimes give him. “Yada, yadda, yadda,” Jesus thinks to himself while we rattle off all the reasons we can’t…

Oh wait. Reasons? There is nothing reasonable about following him and being a Christian. If you’re only concern is getting to heaven then I guess you have a reason, but I also feel sorry for you. Because you will never know the why of that smile in the eyes of someone receiving assistance from St. Vincent de Paul….listening to stories of past failures with your eyes of hope staring back…volunteering when you could be watching “The Guiding Light”…bringing communion to someone who wanted to be here but can’t…should I list fifteen more examples or do you get the picture?

There’s nothing reasonable about being a Christian. Just because your parents were ones doesn’t make you one. St. Paul calls us, “Fools for Christ,” witnessing in our own day and age, the “folly of the Cross.” A fool doesn’t know why he/she does crazy stuff but a Christian fool does.

In the examples I gave, it was all about doing when a Christian is all about being. By being a Christian, you are empowered to do in the name of Christ; only good, only holy, only worthy of his Father.

I guess in some ways, ours is a reasonable religion. Just ask Thomas Aquinas. But he also points out that without the feeling of Christ within our hearts and souls, it’s all meaningless words and dogmas.

The Blessed Mothers says, “My being proclaims the glory of the Lord.” She doesn’t mention her deeds but we know that her deeds flowed from her inner being, from her soul.

That AT&T gal was rated. Jesus doesn’t rate us with a 1 or 2 press of a button. Jesus says, “Follow me and then watch and see what happens to both your life and the lives of those you touch, in my name.”

“Okay, so I’m kinda, pretty close at that decision I can see directly in front of me. However, at some point, it seems that some of those other options are also attractive to me. I’m not sure but I think that sometimes making a decision is to be decisive. In a manner of speaking, it seems that multiple choices only prolongs decisive decisions, but that’s only how it appears; I’m not sure. Sometimes, but not always, I feel a sway leading me from one of them to one of the other ones that I’m still not sure about yet.

It appears that time is a factor but don’t hold me to it, at least all the time. In a manner of speaking, I suspect that a fashion of my decision depends a little (or a lot) on what I know and what I don’t know.

If my behavior bothers you, I apologize even though it sometimes, rarely happens. There’s a slight chance that I may be nearing a decision very soon, if not later. In a way, I strongly believe that a slight pause may assist me in my deliberations.

(Is my childhood bicycle helmet the result of my waverings? If I fell off my bike a time or two, would it have taught me a lesson? Was mom calling me a snowflake every morning, the unique person that I am, the cause of my “mights” and “sometimes’?)

I’m not sure but I sometimes and often times, wonder. Well, I’m done for now. I think or confidently hold that this treatise is close enough.”

(A friend challenged me to write a short story using the words, “sun, moon and lovers.” How did I do?)

It was in a restaurant and, of course, I was late. A friend of a friend set us up and told me to look for a guy in a red sport coat. (I guess red isn’t that popular, hence…)

I spotted him and noticed he already had a glass of wine. I didn’t mind. I smiled as we shook hands. (Forget the pre-wine, he held the chair for me. That goes miles for me.) It’s weird, but it didn’t take long into our conversation, waiting for the food, that I began to notice my reflection in his face. In talking about my struggles at work, he was affirming but not in the first-date sort of way. He truly listened to me and even offered some helpful tips about perspective and not taking myself too seriously. It was a delightful meal, as though we had many meals like that. But that was the first.

On our fiftieth anniversary, the card he gave me said that his life with me reflected back to him all the good he was able to do. Then he quoted Jerry MacQuire saying, “You complete me.” Yes, I cried. Our five children and grandchildren attended our family party, and I was able to see in all of them, the reflections back and forth between their father and me.

I look at the sun in the morning and feel its warmth throughout the day. The moon, with all its phases, has influenced me uncountable times. The union of these illuminating, celestial beams had truly made us lovers.

(A friend challenged me to write something that used the word, “ink.”)

I signed it. It is finished. I thought I wouldn’t have the nerve to make it happen, but I did. It’s funny how you go back and back before making a definitive decision, and yet you know that this is what you want.

I need to now abide by it. It said that I have thirty days to withdraw, yet why would I, after all my deliberations with family and friends. Some friends said that I was “Crazy” to do it. I think that’s because they were speaking about themselves more than my resolve. My family had a hesitant agreement with me, but that’s because they know about my history of indecision.

Yet, I signed it. It is finished.

The word “permanent” came to my mind, which made my mind turn fuzzy. Permanent? You’ve got to be kidding! Me? Thirty-five years old and I haven’t done anything near to honor that word.

It’s not my problem. What’s permanent in our lives these days? A friend told me that the destruction of society was the invention of the Styrofoam cup. You’re able to throw it away after using. Once. So the domino-effect continues throughout our lives as though we have no control over them. Marriage? Give it a few years even I stated “for life” in front of a lot of people. Fetus? Only if it’s the financially right for my husband and me. Cable? I think I’ve had and canceled them all. And, do you ever think I’ll have a job as my father did for forty years? You already know that answer.

But today, I signed it. It is finished.

It’s not large, but it’s able to give me space for my garden along with a small patio to entertain friends. I liked it the first and only time I saw it. It just felt right. It just felt like home. It just felt like me.

I signed it. At first, I wanted to use a pencil as though I could erase it as quickly as I wrote it. But then I thought, “No.” It needs to be signed in ink. Permanent. Lasting. Unending. I can afford the apartment, it’s now mine. Because you can’t erase ink.

I don’t follow sports but I love the characters they present to us about their lives and how it relates to our lives – even if in smaller ways. (Gleaned from The New York Times)

Vince Lombardi worried that the young man might be “too polite and maybe just a little self-effacing to be a real bold, tough quarterback that a quarterback must be in the National Football League.”

50 years later, the annual N.F.L. award is given to a play, and voted on by players, for outstanding character and leadership on and off the field…it’s called the “Bart Starr Award.”

Bart’s father seemed to favor his older brother as the better athlete, he dies, at 11 years old, after stepping on a dog bone of tetanus, barefoot.

With Lombardi writing the script, Starr directed the offense. Another comment said, “Lombardi directed during the week and Starr for the game.”

The last day of the year, 1967, Dallas Cowboys…13 degrees below zero with a wind chill -49…new heating system beneath the turf failed and only made the field an ice pond… 17-14 Dallas, with 70 far yards toward victory…16 remaining seconds…time-out called by Starr and he confers with Lombardi, Starr thought he could sneak the ball across the line himself…Lombardi doesn’t think the fans could stay an extra period in that cold, he tells Starr, “Then run it! And let’s get the hell out of here.” Final score 21-17, Packers.

Chooses a lesser school to marry his sweetheart, Cherry in 1954.

The Packers selected Starr out of the University of Alabama with the 200th pick in the 1956 draft.

“Mr. Nice Guy” label that frustrated him but he never contradicted. Founds Rawhide Boys Ranch, faith-based nonprofit residential care center for at-risk youth.

37 years old, he retires from football. Returns to the Packers in 1975 to coach for eight seasons but is fired even though he jersey number “15” was respectfully retired, but not him. (Cue Kenny Rogers’ song, “You got to know when to hold them, know when to fold them…”)

His son struggles with drug addiction and dies at a waaay-to-early age.

Packers president and CEO, Mark Murphy, “A champion on and off the field, Bart epitomized class and was beloved by generations of Packers fans. A clutch player who led his team to five NFL titles, Bart could still fill Lambeau Field with electricity decades later during his many visits.”

Did Bart represent only himself or something or someone else? Can we do any less in our commitments, beliefs and representations?

Initiation (Baptized into all of life’s circumstances), Testing (early years, school) Called “Formation” in churchy terms, Profession (Are you who you represent yourself to be), Personal developments but performed publicly (the Sacraments), Setbacks, tragedies (the Cross), Resolve and fortitude (the Resurrection).

All never accomplished alone but in sport’s term, it’s called teamwork. In the Church, it’s called the Body of Christ.