“Ink”

(A friend challenged me to write something that used the word, “ink.”)

I signed it. It is finished. I thought I wouldn’t have the nerve to make it happen, but I did. It’s funny how you go back and back before making a definitive decision, and yet you know that this is what you want.

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I need to now abide by it. It said that I have thirty days to withdraw, yet why would I, after all my deliberations with family and friends. Some friends said that I was “Crazy” to do it. I think that’s because they were speaking about themselves more than my resolve. My family had a hesitant agreement with me, but that’s because they know about my history of indecision.

Yet, I signed it. It is finished.

The word “permanent” came to my mind, which made my mind turn fuzzy. Permanent? You’ve got to be kidding! Me? Thirty-five years old and I haven’t done anything near to honor that word.

It’s not my problem. What’s permanent in our lives these days? A friend told me that the destruction of society was the invention of the Styrofoam cup. You’re able to throw it away after using. Once. So the domino-effect continues throughout our lives as though we have no control over them. Marriage? Give it a few years even I stated “for life” in front of a lot of people. Fetus? Only if it’s the financially right for my husband and me. Cable? I think I’ve had and canceled them all. And, do you ever think I’ll have a job as my father did for forty years? You already know that answer.

But today, I signed it. It is finished.

It’s not large, but it’s able to give me space for my garden along with a small patio to entertain friends. I liked it the first and only time I saw it. It just felt right. It just felt like home. It just felt like me.

I signed it. At first, I wanted to use a pencil as though I could erase it as quickly as I wrote it. But then I thought, “No.” It needs to be signed in ink. Permanent. Lasting. Unending. I can afford the apartment, it’s now mine. Because you can’t erase ink.

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About Rev. Joe Jagodensky, SDS.

A Roman Catholic priest since 1980 and member of the Society of the Divine Savior (Salvatorians). www.Salvatorians.com. Serving as Administrator, St. Catherine of Alexandria, 8661 N. 76 Place, Milwaukee, WI. 53223. www.stcatherinemke.org. Six books on the Catholic church and U.S. culture are available on Amazon.com.
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