The Gospel According to Apple

A reading from the Holy Gospel that Saints Mark, Matthew, Luke or John should have written.

Logo Apple Generasi Kedua

Thousands of people and their friends began a journey through their respective cities but did not wish anyone to know about it for fear of being last or worse, left out.

They were talking to each other with a growing excitement and anticipation of something great that was about to occur. How could they not contain themselves? It was too much for them, but they faithfully continued their pilgrimage toward their destinations.

Locally, they traveled down North Avenue driving much too fast on our small Wauwatosa street while never stopping at the crosswalks to allow pedestrians to cross safely. (And if anyone were to stop at the crosswalk they’d get reared ended.) Arriving at Swan Blvd. it was suggested that they stop for coffee, sit outside and visit on this crisp fall day. It was decided that there was no time for such foolishness. The mission was too critical to leave to whimsical conversation gossiping about each other.

Still, other journeyers traveled the Silver Spring Drive route toward their “one bite” divine destination. Several travelers needed shoes (we always seem to need new shoes), but again the group decided that it was too risky and too much delaying would put them at the end of the line. An unAmerican position if there ever was one.

Several in the groups began to boldly state that any delays would allow others to possess first what they themselves wanted but presently did not have. Few understood what that last statement meant, but they were afraid to question the speakers because they wanted to be included, accepted and not thought of as “different,” or “outsiders.” God forbid to be left out, ignored or not the first in all things. (Please recall the previous unAmerican wish.) The mission must continue.

They arrived at the Promised Land (aka Mayfair Mall or Bayshore Mall). Along the way, they had been discussing what features were most important to them. Their knowledge of the silliest of things was astounding to those listening. Concepts like “4G,” “LTE,” “Siri” “A6 Chip,” and “iOS6.” If those known details of insignificant apps and add-ons were applied to other areas of creative learning and formidable attitudes, it certainly could change this world for a better one. Instead, all thoughts are focused on this little shiny black or white item that was available for the first time in all parts of the world on this Friday. (And that’s another problem. The world. Other parts of the world receive their shiny object before Americans did. Damn time zones!)

One speaker in the Mayfair Mall line sat down and called a few of the misguided toward himself and began to say to them, “Do you have presently possess a totally working, efficient and manageable telephone? Is there any possible, imaginable, humanly plausible reason for you to replace this perfectly working and efficient telephone with a new one? Is the $200.00 or $400.00 or $600.00 you are about to spend the wisest move in your creepy little lives? When you go home and open your hard-to-open little white box and hold it for the first time, what will your thoughts be? I now have to get rid of the perfectly working and efficient telephone that I’ve now replaced with this semi-improved and similar in most respects telephone? And in thirty days I will have a bill to pay with money I thought I didn’t have or was happy to have and saved and is now spent on a comparable object that replaces a perfectly working and efficient telephone?”

The 4-6 hours that you wait and wait and wait in line, your presently perfectly working and efficient telephone rings, so you make and receive several calls. You also check the weekend weather, your emails and surf the latest news from around the world. All the while you cannot wait long enough to replace this perfectly working and efficient telephone with this quasi-new one. This equivalent to the old new marks you as the first (or one millionth first!) and you now have this approximate, semi-improved shiny object for what length of time? That’s right, until a higher number or letter replaces it. Boy, doesn’t this purchase make you the greatest (illusion) and smartest (questionable), brilliant (only if you own Apple stock), gullible (now you’re talking) person in the world or what?

The Gospel of the Lord.

Books by Fr. Joe Jagodensky, SDS.

All available in paperback or Kindle on

                                                     “Letters From My Cats,”
a collection of humorous and reflective letters written by my cats over twenty years
                                                           “Soulful Muse,”
inspirational reflections on the Catholic Church and U.S. culture
                                                “Living Faith’s Mysteries,”
inspirational reflections on the Christian seasons of
Advent/Christmas & Lent/Easter – a great seasonal gift
                                        “Spiritual Wonderings and Wanderings,”
inspirational reflections on the Catholic Church and U.S. culture

                         “Bowling Through Life’s Stages with a Christian perspective,”
Bowling as a metaphor for religion and growing up

About Rev. Joe Jagodensky, SDS.

A Roman Catholic priest since 1980 and a member of the Society of the Divine Savior (Salvatorians). Six books on the Catholic church and U.S. culture are available on
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