“We interrupt this television program for this breaking news story. Apparently two men presumably walked into a convenience store sometime around 7:00 a.m. and allegedly carrying handguns perhaps robbed the clerk and may have gotten away with an undisclosed amount of cash in a stolen car. More details are coming and we’ll keep you posted with the latest developments. And now back to our program.”
Viewer: “Boy, do I now know all the facts or what? I’m totally informed.”
“In an apparent attempt to connect the divine with humanity – reputedly God impregnated a young girl with, as far as we know, a spirit that has been called holy.
Officials have speculated that love for His creatures was the overarching motive behind this birth. People not at liberty to speak to the press told reporters that the baby was born in a stable although it most likely was in a cave in the Judean desert.
Flying creatures, looking presumably human, were both seen and overheard at the birth place by a group of presumed shepherds. Alcohol is suspected to be involved in their evening activities. Evidently, this baby’s life appears to be destined to break open the hearts of people all over the world. No official, however, has confirmed or denied this report.
It seems to be assumed that his life will be short lived due to the jealousy and revenge of those around him. Miracles will be reported but unsubstantiated except by those who believe in the powers that this man supposedly possesses. In all probability, it seems this man has a remarkable ability to inspire those who hear his message. There is no doubt that it will be a message of hope for those who need it and a strengthening of hope for those who already exhibit it.
It’s been taken as fact that this man, unnamed at this time, will die a horrible death designed for criminals and outlaws. Sources have already reported a darkening of the sky on that sad day sometime in the man’s 33rd year. Banks and businesses are likely to be closed during this time, so please plan ahead.
Rumors have already abound that three days after this man’s death, he will return from the dead disguised as a gardener. In the unlikely event of this actually happening, an informant has revealed that a woman of ill-repute (though now dismissed) will be the first to see him. Evidently, this will not sit well with the twelve individuals (men) who gave up everything to be with this man. Forty days after this alleged event, this man will leave this world by bodily raising himself to the clouds along with the flying creatures seen earlier at the beginning of his life. Again, alcohol appears to be involved.
Several people in the now have reasoned that this man’s life will impact generations of people to come. This has not, however, been confirmed. Stay tuned for further developments in this ever-breaking story.”
Interesting how we believe television and doubt our faith.