“Eight hours of servitude lifted from me and I’m now the landowner. I love it. The previous owners left me with ‘Oprah’ which was fun at first but drew weak as she drew wearier and weightier. Speaking of weightier..there it is, bladder/bladder, don’t say the word because it only reminds you more but I can’t help it because it’s bladder/bladder. They think I’m tranquil and missing them during these business hours but I’m really looking around here for the estate sale value after their gone and it appears pretty slim. These folks don’t know how to shop. Ohh, there it is again, bladder/bladder; stop saying that word but it’s filling up and I hear the car just pull in. Yada, yada, I got it, groceries, laughter/laughter; come on folks let’s think bladder/bladder and get the hell in here. The back door finally opens and I painfully squeak out and onto the winter’s snow adding a heap of yellow while saying ‘Thanks be to God, thanks be to God.” What’s wrong with seven hour shifts?”
“Okay, thank goodness. They’re taking the garbage out now, here’s my chance. Slip between their legs and feel the fresh air. Nice day to be outside. My gold little fury body brightens up to the cool air. Over there is a mountain of snow with my name on it. Cue Frank Sinatra, ‘King of the hill., top of the heap.’ I think that was door slamming. They do that all the time to me. They forget how much I cost them. They keep calling me cuddly and cutie-pie. I guess they never looked underneath me to see that I’m a guy. Oh well.
My little golden tail is swinging away as I sway around the closed back door wondering what OSHA violation occurred with the doorbell placed up so high. If I run around in circles then they’ll open the back door or so says my unconscious religious teachings on superstitions becoming dogma. Well, the circle thing didn’t work, so much for a donation in next week’s collection. I wonder what Lassie would do in a situation like this? Hell, Timmy must be 75 years and in a nursing home by now and we know what happens to Old Yeller; so much for models.
I forgot how neat theses folks are. There’s more garbage to dump and my reentry is clear. Wow. That was close. Just in time for ’60 Minutes’ since the football season is over. It’s funny because they’re never able to find the remote during ’60 Minutes.'”