Twenty special days each year are offered to shoppers who like to browse uninterrupted and without crowds. Whether it’s clothing or grocery, the ease of shopping is made easier at least twenty times. Wisconsin Avenue, Milwaukee’s main downtown street, could be used for bowling, if you wish to keep your swing fresh. The younger crowd could skateboard. There is no worry about traffic or, for that matter, even pedestrians. A rolling bush down the main drag would make for a great western movie. What could possibly provide for such tranquility during those days? Who would think of affording others such a serene time?
The Vengeful God
Wisconsin’s God, Vince donated these twenty precious days. Our God, Vince, is lessor known than the other God, except on those days, usually Sundays. On those days our God, Vince, seeks to destroy the enemy making, the Old Testament God look like a wimp. God Vince, takes no prisoners and shows no mercy. His followers were taught that success is only found in total annihilation. (His thoughts, not mine.) They even named the ultimate reward after God Vince.
Perhaps that is why those who adore him empty city streets and malls during those precious hours on Sundays. The taverns and homes occupied by these cult followers are intently quiet during this duration only to loudly roar during the times when an unusually shaped object is either thrown or tossed to a fellow disciple. Many of the people observing this action are at least two times larger than the other God intended them to be but what else can happen to one’s body during twenty devotional days of doing nothing.
Generations of Salvation
Unlike the other God with only one incarnation, God Vince had many God-sons over the years. First, there was Bart who proved to be almost as great as his Creator so he needed to be reduced to a car salesman. Then there was a Zeke and a Scott, a Lynn, a David, a Randy, a Don, and a Brett.
Oh, wait! God-son Brett was favored as much as God-son Bart. Revered from every Wisconsinite’s mouth for years. No ill was ever linked with this especially gifted son of the Creator. Until…until the son decided to take half his inheritance and retire and then not retire and then retire and then not retire. Disdain entered those same mouths as quickly as the first snow falls before Thanksgiving. After becoming ignored and forgotten, God Vince turned to the ignored and
forgotten God-son Aaron who turned out to be better than both the car salesmen and the retiring, retired guy. Salvation is ours once again in Wisconsin. The faithful, remaining son, whose father never had a fatted-calf party for his friends remains.
What word is stronger than “obsession” to describe those who isolate themselves in taverns (now called “Sports Bars”) and living rooms with televisions the size of their bellies? “Consuming passion” is too positive expression and “addiction” is overused so let’s just stick with obsession.
Those of us who have a life are truly grateful for these quiet shopping and restaurant hours. These days are not a lot over the course of a year but during those times great comfort is found in knowing that the obsessed are all safely in one place.