“Wow, I don’t need to come for two weeks.  He just gave me three sermons today!”

“Do I care that he vacationed in Cyprus?”

“Why is he trying to prove to me that he’s smarter than me?  I know some Latin too.”

“I read the same thing in Reader’s Digest.  I think it’s supposed to based on the Bible!”

“If you’re going to preach in this country, then learn the language and speak slower.”

“I’m glad he likes his family but, really, give me a break.”

“He’s really not married?  What a waste.”

“He read it, word for word.  Why not just email us all.”

“He thinks that this is important…because?!”

“Does he live on the same planet as I do?”

“In twenty minutes I can make a complete meal for four.  Should I teach him how?”

“I lost him after the first five bible quotes.”

“Why would he just repeat the Gospel that I just heard?  Does he think I’m that stupid!”

“I often wondered how many lights were in this Church.  Do we need them all on now?”

“O.k. honey.  One tug when he’s finished.  Two tugs to stand for the Creed.”

“Didn’t he say the same thing three years ago?  I wish my life was that easy.”

“Nothing heretical this week, maybe next time we can get him.”

“He looks good in a dress.  I wonder if he works out.”

“He really does think he’s funny.”

“He’s never met my family!”

And as you leave church you’ll say “Great sermon Father.”  But I’ll know that you were the one counting the lights.