The Practice

PracticeGolfers practice and then go on tour to prove their worth.  There’s basketball and football practice before the next game and there’s the laborious piano practice taught by a nun with a wooden pointer.  (Four years of her before child abuse became unfashionable.)  The performance can’t begin until play practice is complete and teachers practice for a while before meeting the 20 unruly bunch before her and bus drivers practice before accepting passenger coins.  Healthcare nowadays even has what’s called “best practices” and I wonder what we’ve been doing for patients for centuries before them.

A doctor or lawyer never seem to reach achieve their profession.  They’re always practicing.  They are even in a practice.  “I’ve been practicing with this practice for many years now,” either of them would say.  I’d think after a few years of practice they’d be able to reach a degree of success.  (If we all remained in “practice” mode would we get their salaries?)

To sound really important, take a “practicum” which I did in the seminary for preaching skills.  I don’t consider myself practicing now, I think I’m actually doing it.

Someone said “Practice makes perfect.”  I suspect it wasn’t a lawyer or doctor, it probably was Tiger Woods.

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A Beatles Love Letter

indexDear Prudence,

Yesterday I had a hard day’s night because I wanted to hold your hand. I could say ‘love me do’ but Mother Superior jumped the gun. But nothing’s gonna change my world because you’re the girl with kaleidoscope eyes. With you love is all, love is new, love is all, love is you. I know that you told me that one and one and one is three but love was such an easy game to play, now I need a place to hide away.

I know that you will plainly see the biggest fool to ever hit the big time, I think I’m gonna be sad, I think it’s today, yeah; slowly, I feel that ice slowly melting…it seems like years since it’s been clear.

I know there’s been others – Eleanor (boy, was that ever depressing), Julia, Rita, Penny, Sally, Michelle, Nancy, Magil and Lil, Lucy, Molly, Madonna and Vera. But they were all dizzy, lovely, lady and Vera left me for Chuck and Dave.

I look at the world and I notice it’s turning…with every mistake we must surely be learning still my guitar gently weeps.

Oh, you were only waiting for this moment to be free. Let’s just say, “ob-la-di ob-la-da,” move on and find Father McKenzie for our wedding. Let’s go back to our room and find Gideon’s bible.

Close your eyes and I’ll close mine, good night, sleep tight and greet the brand new day.

Hey, it’s Jude

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My Grandmother’s Clock

Grandfather-ClockIt looked majestic standing proudly in my grandmother’s living room.  Its towering presence captured you as you entered the room.  (There’s a lot of towering things around when you’re ten years old.)  Four times an hour it announced itself to everyone in the living room that it existed and was worthy of your attention.  I think my grandmother appreciated it most because it alerted her when “As the World Turns” and “The Guiding Light” were to begin.  (No DVR or recorders back then, you miss one episode and you missed who was brought out a coma!)

When my grandmother died the marvelous clock made its way through several relatives while I sometimes remembered it and wished I had it.  Oh well, a remembrance from her was gracing the living room of someone else.

A family gathering brought us together which gave me the opportunity to check on the treasure that was still buried for me.  The relative who possessed the magnificent dark cherry wood grandfather clock told me that she’d be glad to give it to me.  She told me she thought I wanted it but wasn’t sure.  “No problem,” she said, “I’m glad that you want to have it.”

I brought it up to my apartment and found the perfect corner for the perfect remembrance of my grandmother.  Carrying and touching it seemed a bit odd to me because it was not the rich wood I imagined but only a half inch veneer not to mention the battery holder  behind it.  When I heard the first chime I smiled to myself because of its tinny, cheap sound.  My cherished heirloom must have set my grandmother back, at most, $20.00.

A wise person once told me that “you are who you represent yourself to be.”  Umm.  Curious.  I had always thought life’s goal was to “be yourself” and to uncover “who you really are” as though there are solutions and answers to any situation.  “Who do I present myself to be” has become an important mantra in my life.  It’s too long for a car’s license plate but I can let it live deeply in my heart and soul.  Who can say what is real, unreal or unsure in this magical, mystery tour we call life?  “Authentic” and “genuine” should be reserved for leather products and car parts, not for human identity.

We are too important and fluid; we are those folks that everyone around us thinks are rich cherry wood when we really only have a battery behind our half inch veneer.

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St. Sebastians Catholic Church, Milwaukee

stsebssmallerI arrive for the Sunday 8:00 a.m. twenty minutes before the Mass begins.  The parking lot has one other car.  It doesn’t bother me.

I enter the 150 year old church, modernized now, and the ushers immediately greet me.  I grunt, half awake.  I’ve been coming here for over ten years, I think.  Always the second and fourth Sundays.  At the beginning I asked the pastor if he needed help.  I already had a 10:00 a.m. Mass and could only do one at 8:00 a.m. although I’m not a morning person.  I only wanted two Sundays a month (didn’t want to be taken for granted.)  He agreed.  A new pastor arrived, same arrangement; another new pastor arrived, same arrangement.

I enter the sacristy and get vested.  The sacristan has already prepared everything for the Mass and the grade school servers are slowly arriving with tussled hair and who still seem to be enjoying their sleep.

I enter the church proper and take a pew to hear the song before Mass.  I’ve found that the prelude is always moving and prepares us for the service.  It’s always a parishioner who serves as a cantor and accompanies Michael Kaminski, the liturgist and pastoral associate.  Always inspiring and subdued.  At 7:58 a.m., you would think that Noah’s ark just unloaded.  They all enter.  (I think that they’re sitting at home waiting for just the right minute before leaving for church.)  This is when the hugs and smiles begins.  One couple embraces another couple.  Children dart across aisles to greet another school chum.  (I’m thinking to myself, “It’s only been a week since they last saw each other!”)  Young couples with their children (all neatly dressed), middle aged couples who are glad their children have moved out, seniors and a splattering of single people.  Many sit in the same place.  On many Sundays, someone approaches me during my moment of solitude to tell me of a death in their family or someone that we know in common or a tell me of a sermon they enjoyed.  I smile, shoulder touch and wish them a good day.

The prelude ends.  We line up in back for the procession song, always uplifting and moving.  (I usually want to go home after their opening song.  Why continue?  We’ve just done it!)  The opening remarks are made.  The first reading is completed and the cantor sings a psalm that would put popular singers to shame.  (Again, I want to just go home because we have done it already again, but, alas I have to stay.)  The second reading is concluded.

We all sit patiently waiting for me to stand for the “Alleluia” to begin and the reading of the gospel.  I wonder how long I should sit there before standing.  It’s so quiet now.  So much has happened already and they still want more?  Each time I think to myself before standing, “Do you have something to say today?”  I answer myself and say, “Yes.”  I stand and the “Alleluia” begins.

After the gospel, it’s my turn to turn those ancient readings into something contemporary.  What can I give them to take home?  It usually amounts to one word.  I wish to leave them with one word to ponder or to consider.  The sermon is never longer than five minutes.  I get bored and I’m sure they do too.  It’s the way of our culture these days and my poor word power.  I make them laugh.  I hope I make them think.   And, I wish that they might relive some of my thoughts during this new week.

They pay me to do this twice a month, not a lot but it’s nice.  Don’t ever let them know that I’d do it for free.  It’s Church.  It’s families, by blood and by faith.  It’s folks celebrating their lives as best they can.  It’s a twice a month treat for me in spite of the early hour.

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“In Between” Time

janus2One of my favorites themes is, “inbetween time.”  It’s supposed to be two words but it is always one event and it’s choked full of meaning.

Most of our lives is lived “inbetween.”  In between the yesterday event and the upcoming happening.  If you wish someone “Merry Christmas” the day after Thanksgiving, well, it just sounds awkward.  You are unable to say “Happy New Year” right after Christmas because people will think that you’re ahead of yourself.  (But if you don’t plan on seeing them again prior to January 1, then it is permitted.)  Or begin a new tradition saying, “Merry New Year?”  Nah, it’ll never catch on.  We’re stuck in the “inbetween.”

Some people hate the “inbetweens” of life.  Divorced and remarried within a year.  God forbid an inbetween-time-breather to weigh your life back into balance.  Going from one party to the next and you’ll end up in rehab.  Doing nothing can create an encroaching boredom.  Without something ahead there would be no inbetween time.

The Church says that our whole life is one big “inbetween” time.  We were with God before birth and return to His care after our death.  Suddenly our patience kicks in and we don’t seem to mind waiting for life’s parting so much.

And, how can you actually be “inbetween” time?  Am I able to crawl between the first minute and the second and live “inbetween” the two of them?

We can kill it, schedule it, race toward it, measure it, remember it, point toward it, generalize about it,  count it, pass it, be on it, repeat it, share, stretch and season it; stage, patch and trim it.  We’ve had the best of them, the golden of them and the prime, peak and length of them.  And, we can be and enjoy the “inbetween” times of them as well.  “Happy New Year,” I mean “Merry Christmas.”

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The Schmucks of This World

schmuck-06-2008St. John was definitely having a bad hair day when he wrote this.  “Do not love the world or the things of the world.  If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.  For all that is in the world, sensual lust, enticement for the eyes, and a pretentious life, is not from the Father but is from the world.”

My advice to St. John: Leave the monastery for a day and visit someone, anyone!  Monastic life, by the way, is considered one of the higher callings in the Catholic Church.  It’s right up and close to the angels.

The rest of us schmucks (Yiddish, by the way) are stuck in this world, for better or for worse.  In my religious community there is an undercurrent that missionary work in a foreign country is second only to angelic.  The rest of us (schmucks, again) are stuck in this awful and sinful world as it erodes and rots away.

I am saddened that those who are not of this world (Mork, Mindy anyway?) missed out on:

  • Mozart’s Violin Concerto, number 3
  • witnessing a baptism as a godparent and hearing the baby softly cry
  • taking a friend out for a drink after being terminated
  • attending a surprise 50th birthday party for a friend in remission from cancer
  • congratulating a friend who found a job after a year’s search
  • losing an evening through a mystery novel
  • tucking in your son in bed singing a song that your mother sang to you
  • laughing at a funeral for a long time friend who wanted you to laugh
  • getting up in the morning and anxious to return to work
  • a Mexican sunset, a Tucson sunset
  • a Milwaukee sky in October
  • an unexpected “thank you” note
  • writing a handwritten letter to a friend in 2011
  • meeting three foster children who’ve been rescued from a neglectful mother
  • wishing luck to the first college graduate in their family
  • saying “goodbye” to a good friend as he moves south
  • having a cat jump on your lap after having a tumor removed

Perhaps St. John woke up the next morning and continued a more balanced account of this world of ours after an evening out with good friends.

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Moments of Grace

grace_wordle-600x274Grace.  Not easy to define but easy to spot.  The Catholic Church tried to define grace and does it by dividing it up but both end up in the Church’s usual clinical way, stale and unemotional.

Grace

–wholly touching a new baby’s foot with your pinky finger
–hearing summer’s thunder rustle through your home
–first day of school and your mother’s hand is withdrawn
–getting the job that everyone said you’d never get
–waking up two hours before the alarm for your first day at work
–when she said “yes” when you thought she’d say “no
–new car smell (I had to throw that one in)
–leaving 40 degree and arriving to 78 degree
–returning to your seat when you know you’ve said something in a sermon
–person you don’t know says person you don’t know referred her to me
–the first of many colorful scribbles that adorn the refrigerator door
–the holy water blessing before falling to sleep
–that email from someone from 40 years ago
–your sports team wins in the last tens seconds
–“Beach Boy” leader Brian Wilson, fifty years later, walks on stage in darkness and everyone gives him a standing ovation before the first note is played (you had to be there)
–falling asleep and smiling to yourself after a long but meaningful day
–the moment I stand up before the Gospel and my sermon and wonder why I am the one doing this
–the conversation before the over-priced meal is served

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The Wonderful Years of Aging

5773166_f260“I’m Glad I’m Not Young Anymore”

“Poor boy! Poor boy! Down-hearted and depressed and in a spin Poor boy! Poor boy! Oh, youth can really do a fellow in! How lovely to sit here in the shade With none of the woes of man and maid I’m glad I’m not young anymore.”

The twenty year old’s door is open but no one is able to answer. Ring the door bell all you want, the tenant inside is busy with whatever preoccupies that age, especially that age. Depressed and not knowing the source, anxious without a recourse, moody and it’s the other person’s problem. This is the period of life that we cherish and hold to? No way.

“No More Confusion”

“The rivals that don’t exist at all The feeling you’re only two feet tall I’m glad that I’m not young anymore No more confusion No morning-after surprise No self-delusion That when you’re telling those lies She isn’t wise And even if love comes through the door The chance that goes on forevermore Forevermore is shorter than before.”

“Forever is shorter than before…” “Forever” grows shorter when you’re past that passable age. What is it that we cherish about the youth except their youth? I rarely meet youths whose conversation is about more than one subject, themselves. It’s easier to just hold up a mirror in front of them and walk away because hopes of an extended conversation vanished.

Youth Is “Dull Paint”

“The Fountain of Youth is dull as paint, Methuselah is my patron saint I’ve never been so comfortable before, Oh, I’m so glad that I’m not young anymore.”

This 1958 song from “Gigi” helps us older folks celebrate what has yet to enter a youthful minds:

  • integration of life’s experiences
  • synthesis of people you’ve met and observations made along the way
  • testing, testing and even more testing of beliefs, values and attitudes
  • critical analysis of the day’s event bolstered by previous mistakes and successes
  • more doubt than certitude
  • more certitude about what doubts you
  • contentment overwhelms you when you least expect it
  • confidence is proven everyday
  • sentences now contain a noun and verb
  • endless memories are processed daily

“Methuselah is my patron saint I’ve never been so comfortable before, Oh, I’m so glad that I’m not young anymore.”

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The Birth of Church

church-cartoonIt all begins with a personal yearning deep inside you.  You feel that something is missing, an emptiness that you hope can be at least satisfied if not fulfilled.  The yearning is for something more and that something more is out there, beyond yourself.  It makes you wonder if others feel the same way.

In moments of honesty you share your feelings and find that others do sometimes feel the same yearning.  You and your newly found friends decide to meet.  You stand around in a room and wonder what to do next.  “I guess someone could lead us,” says the first spoken sentence.  Someone else suggests we explore pages and pages of stuff that’s been written generation after generation with direction, dictates, guidance and inspiration; much of which the group would like to hear more about.

A leader is chosen from the group, one of the wealthier members because he has more time than those who labor 12-14 hours a day.  He carefully puts together a simple service to lead The Group to their goals of addressing this yearning which only seems to grow stronger with age.  The Group finds itself rapidly growing and needs to expand.  How to make that happen?  The Group decides that if the leader cannot marry then his wealth will become a part of The Group.  What a great idea, except of course for the now-unmarried man who needs to make a few phone calls to girlfriends.  Someone in the group wisely inquires, “What about the women who wish to lead us?”  “There’s none like them,” another says and a third shouts, “That’s it!  They’ll be called nuns!”  All agree as the women resume their kitchen and cleanup duties.

Teaching their children is a cinch, what 8 year old will question the wisdom of all those pages of stuff and a trusting parent telling them that it’s all true?  A virgin’s birth and a crucified guy who saves you from something or another to an 8 year old is responded with, “Yeah, but what’s for supper?”

This yearning within someone joining The Group at a much later age is trickier because it all sounds too improbable, impractical and mostly impossible.  “Faith” and “trust” is pushed around a lot during those conversations.

Back to the impressible kid.  A depressingly-induced 40 days is foisted upon him and kind acts are encouraged like buying what parents and teachers called “pagan babies” for .25 each.  (Do you know how many birthday cards I have to send each year since those days?)  The creation of indulgences also motivates us to shorten our destiny-pending-Purgatory days.  The more you give, in prayer and money, the lesser those imminent days become.  (Where those records are recorded and kept, I have no idea but I’m working on it.)  On November 1, this eager kid is taught to go to The Group and say three prayers to release a Purgatory soul.  You are to then leave The Group, go outside and reenter to recite the same three prayers to release another soul.  You don’t have to be sincere in your prayers, just do the three.  You can do this for as long as you wish.  (I think four was my limit.  These days I’d say that I love the theology of a union of the living and deceased but the methodology is way off.)

Years and more years pass and many wonderful things happen through The Group; more groups are formed, grand schools built, works of selfless charity, works of true mercy, and countless examples of Group members helping each other.

Decades pass and those simple, original people become more aware of The Groups thinking and how to respond to their inner yearnings.   A struggle ensues that brings The Group’s intentions back to their original meaning.  The unmarried guy is now teamed up with a team of others to govern and influence The Group.  What began as the unmarried guy happily singing “My Way” is now doomed to sing with the rest of The Group, “I’m Stuck In The Middle With You.”

Behind the curtains for decades is a small hiccup of some unmarried guys doing some crazy stuff that eventually cost millions of dollars to The Group but no one wants to talk about it so it remains on the back burners of our minds while The Group of unmarried guys tries to solve its own problems.

In the meantime, generation after generation of The Group raise families, build businesses, labor long and hard while all consoled and guided by The Group for which they love and faithfully support.

It’s funny because it all began with one person with a deep yearning, seeking something or someone greater than himself.  The Group has found its way while the unmarried guy is still wondering why he can’t sing “My Way” any longer.

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Diversion: The U.S. Distraction

DiversionIt’s a delicate subject because it places ourselves in a personal place where no opinion other than our own is appreciated but just think how much of your life is a series of diversions.  A redirection from something or someone; a distraction, so says the dictionary.

We now have the luxury of diversions because we will not get polio, fluoride’s been taken of, the black plague becomes a Jeopardy question and we now get to live these luxuriously extra human years looking for the next diversion.  (Yes, one ends and another needs to replace it, and quickly!)

My sister knows more about Kim Kardansian than she does me, perhaps my fault for not pushing my life upon her as much as her inquiring into mine further than the standard, “How are you?” and now let’s move on to the Kardansians.  (I’m not even sure who they are while she tells me of the wiles and willies of their adventures.)

I swear (apologies) that Wisconsinites know more about the Green Bay Packer players than they do their neighbor, much less the person they sleep with every night.  (Stats included!)

Third world country folks end one meal only to clean it up and begin to plan the next meal.  (How sad for them that the Kardansians have escaped them!).  Third world people’s thoughtful preoccupations is upon the new iPhone which replaces a perfectly working iPhone, back and forth whether you should marry the woman you’ve been living with the past three years, what debt can be transferred to this company to further place you in further debt, along with dutifully following your favorite football team (seasonal taste), your favorite television program, or the antics of a fellow employee. (tongue is in cheek.)

We, humans, need stimulus and we will find it anywhere or in anyone that we can.  The richer you are the more we will follow and analyze you from your choice of wives to the car that you drive.  We even, if I dare use a strong word, “thrive” on it.  We feed upon it because we need the diversion from our freed-up First World existence that has provided us with a more years, a deeper self development and more opportunities to volunteer and share time with others.

I wonder what my sister thinks that I or Kim are doing right now?

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